I was captivated by some of the details here. You've described the setting so that it almost comes alive. The routine at the train station imbued a sense of calm, and had me wondering about my own morning routines. "I will drift through a life that never changes because I’m too careful to disturb it" was a line that stuck with me. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? I also appreciated the interaction between the two characters-- how something so small could yet be so meaningful. I am curious to know more about the backstory of this narrator. Are you thinking of expanding to a second part?
Thanks Prakriti, it’s about someone who is concerned that they are so cautious that they could lead a life that never changes from the routine - it’s a bad thing I think because they could end up alone. Don’t know if there will be a sequel - I’m thinking of writing something for Valentine’s Day this week but don’t have the full idea together yet.
What a beautiful piece Wayne. It perfectly captures the tension of human connection.
I really like how grounded and realistic this feels; it sidesteps typical grand gestures for a brand of subtle romance that feels far more authentic.
The way you explored the weight of shyness and the internal ache of what could have been unrequited love was so relatable. The idea that a three-year routine can make the smallest move feel 'enormous.' The pivot was such a surprising, uplifting moment; the realization that she had not only recognized him too, but was experiencing that same 'quiet symmetry,' was incredibly moving.
I love how that final line leaves the reader with such a perfect sense of positive anticipation. It’s a beautiful reminder of the 'silent risks' worth taking.
This piece was incredible, thank you for sharing this with us. Your prose is beautiful yet controlled, precise. I could perfectly imagine those two strangers on a platform exchanging glances and smiles for years, before gathering the courage to speak.
Masterful work. What beautiful tension.
Thanks Stephen - I appreciate you saying that!
I was captivated by some of the details here. You've described the setting so that it almost comes alive. The routine at the train station imbued a sense of calm, and had me wondering about my own morning routines. "I will drift through a life that never changes because I’m too careful to disturb it" was a line that stuck with me. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? I also appreciated the interaction between the two characters-- how something so small could yet be so meaningful. I am curious to know more about the backstory of this narrator. Are you thinking of expanding to a second part?
Thanks Prakriti, it’s about someone who is concerned that they are so cautious that they could lead a life that never changes from the routine - it’s a bad thing I think because they could end up alone. Don’t know if there will be a sequel - I’m thinking of writing something for Valentine’s Day this week but don’t have the full idea together yet.
What a beautiful piece Wayne. It perfectly captures the tension of human connection.
I really like how grounded and realistic this feels; it sidesteps typical grand gestures for a brand of subtle romance that feels far more authentic.
The way you explored the weight of shyness and the internal ache of what could have been unrequited love was so relatable. The idea that a three-year routine can make the smallest move feel 'enormous.' The pivot was such a surprising, uplifting moment; the realization that she had not only recognized him too, but was experiencing that same 'quiet symmetry,' was incredibly moving.
I love how that final line leaves the reader with such a perfect sense of positive anticipation. It’s a beautiful reminder of the 'silent risks' worth taking.
Thanks Ruth!
This piece was incredible, thank you for sharing this with us. Your prose is beautiful yet controlled, precise. I could perfectly imagine those two strangers on a platform exchanging glances and smiles for years, before gathering the courage to speak.
Thanks so much for the feedback. It’s a new style for me so I’m pleased you enjoyed it.
It's definitely working for this reader 💜
❤️